Be yourself and let those true colors shine bright.
In a world full of people who so desperately try to fit in, I’ve always been one to stand out. I know this sentiment sounds cliché, but my inability to adhere to societal standards or what is perceived as “right” can be traced back to my early youth.
There was a day in preschool when a student’s father brought venison for the class to experience and we were asked to write and draw a picture of what the meat tasted like. Naturally, most of the class chose chicken, beef or pork. Not me - preschool Joey wrote bubblegum; not necessarily because I believed it to be true, but because the pink flesh activated a part of my brain that wanted to tell a story rather than state the obvious. This marked one of the first of many instances where I willingly and publicly danced to the beat of my own drum, and unabashedly so.
Last year, I put out my debut cookbook, Basic Bitchen and the irony of this title doesn’t escape me. While I preach individuality and identifying the traits, experiences, skills, and talents that make a person different, I recognize that there is a comfort in commonality that also deserves to be celebrated (and, frankly, poked fun at with foolish trends that develop cult-like followings).
The concept of “basicness,” for me, is actually a respite from the torment I typically put myself through in my career and everyday life to find the opportunities that set me apart and allow my personality to shine. But this break in routine is only temporary and I always find myself going back to the safe spaces, both in my mind and actual environment. This allows me to remain creatively challenged and tap into a part of an idea that hasn’t been explored before. While this pressure I put on myself can give me plenty of anxiety, it also feels the most natural. I only thrive when what I’m doing is unique, artistic, and, most importantly, free of outside judgment. And I have my parents to thank for that.
I’ve always credited a portion of my strong desire for self-expression to my wild imagination. What started as playing dress-up, creating complex scenarios with Matchbox cars, and writing picture books morphed into one activity that really allowed my creativity to shine, and that was hair and makeup. Luckily for me, I have a younger sister who was the perfect muse and model for all of the ideas inside my head, but this fascination with the world of beauty went beyond the application process—I loved blending and pairing colors, complimenting looks with over-the-top hairstyles, and then staging full-on fashion shoots as the director and photographer. I had visions of how I wanted everything to look and I saw them through from start to finish.
All of this, however, could not have been possible without parents who created a supportive home life for me, void of any type of judgement or criticism. While they could have easily intervened and reprimanded me for not partaking in something that was stereotypically masculine, they instead encouraged me to pursue activities that I was good at and gave me a sense of purpose. I felt emboldened, empowered, and confident in what I was doing because I felt most authentically myself in these moments.
Had I been “corrected” or not given the opportunity to tap into this imaginative and inspired part of my brain, I certainly would not be able to thrive in the present-day settings that require me to develop big-picture ideas (like Basic Bitchen). Not to mention, this freedom to explore my originality also benefited me personally - I never felt too bad about feeling different and enjoying things like hair and makeup that weren’t conventionally heterosexual or cisgendered. And even through years of relentless bullying, I carried an armour that said, ”The joke is on you - I know my worth.” This made coming out, despite my initial fears of how it would affect my career, a lot easier. I knew I would have the support of my family since they already supported everything else in my life that made me uniquely Joey.
Beyond Pride month, it’s my goal to always carry on the legacy of those who made sacrifices to grant the LGBTQ+ community equality, but I recognize that some of these struggles for justice wouldn’t be necessary if parents simply embraced their children’s quirks and gave them a platform to explore every part of what makes them one-of-a-kind. I’m not saying everyone is destined to be the next Michelangelo or has an innate desire to be a “creative,” but they should at the very least feel comfortable raising their hand in a classroom and declaring that deer meat reminds them of bubblegum, without fear of condemnation.
Too many kids feel the need to filter or camouflage what makes them special or stand out. It is our job to encourage the opposite by fostering an environment where they feel free to accept who they are and what they’re interested in, and with every single fiber of their being.
They say “the sky's the limit,” but only if adults remove any clouds of self-doubt or what society perceives to be “normal” or “acceptable” along the way. Consider me living proof.
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