How to DIY the Penis Facial at Home — and No, It’s Not What You Think 🙈
You must’ve heard of the penis facial taking Hollywood and the beautysphere by storm. If you haven’t — or even if you have — read on because our intrepid contributing editor Coco is going to tell you how you can do a DIY penis facial at home — no foreskin needed!
I’m a self-professed skincare daredevil. If I catch wind of something that sounds crazy, I immediately want in. If money were no object, I’d be flying to exotic locales in search of the newest and most bizarre thing to rub on my face like some sort of deranged Marco Polo. Unfortunately, money is very much an object for me — a giant immovable object — but I’ll be damned if I let it stand in the way of all the skincare fun I want to have. Sometimes a girl has got to improvise, and when I saw the world buzzing about “penis facials,” I knew nothing was going to get between me and some good D. You know, D, as in decisions, as in great skincare decisions. C’mon, get your mind out of the gutter (JK, leave it there, it’s where I dwell).
So let’s delve into the whole DIY penis facial thing. The magic behind the penis facial is essentially Korean newborn baby foreskin, or more accurately and specifically, the epidermal growth factor (EGF) in the human fibroblasts obtained from Korean newborn baby foreskin (hence its name — this fact is not lost on me every time I change my sweet Korean son’s diaper). But worry not, EGF is lab grown, cloned from a single donor. There’s no underground Korean foreskin factory, although that sounds like a reality show from the not-too-distant future so don’t give anyone any ideas.
If you’re wondering exactly why celebrities and skincare enthusiasts are going nuts (haaaa) over the penis facial, it’s because of the supposed benefits of the EGF. From what I’ve gathered, growth factors communicate with your skin cells and give them a big metaphorical pep talk. Basically they coax your skin cells into working at peak capacity. Your body uses EGF to repair itself from wounds, and in some clinical trials it’s been shown to reverse aging. All in all, it’s a promising new topical skin treatment, which is why I’m so hellbent on giving it a try myself.
So how am I going to do this? I really, really want to try one of these peen sessions. This facial has been praised by ageless vampire beauties like Cate Blanchett and Sandra Bullock; I’m just a lowly nobody. As much as I wish I had the clout to do so, I can’t exactly jet out to NYC to get one of these things on a whim. I also don’t have the $650 to spare for each session.
But then a lightbulb went off. “Wait a minute,” I thought. “I know for a fact we carry EGF and FGF products at Beautytap.” The little hamster wheels in my brain started turning. “We also carry the aptly named, snazzy little Swanicoco Coco Roller with the needles!” I can do this at home! Not only can I have my own DIY penis facial at home, I can do it every damn night if I want to! I don’t have to settle for the one-off or every once in a while penis facial — it’s gonna be all penis all the time at Maison Du Coco!
How to DIY the penis facial
The original penis facial starts with what you’re probably already doing at home: a nice double cleanse. I’ll be starting with the Tony Moly Pro Clean Soft Sherbet Cleanser. I like to do a sherbet cleanser when I’m going ham on the sunscreen like I have been this summer. I know some people are concerned with mineral oil as an ingredient, but it’s totally safe and way too big to get in and clog pores. I find it’s an excellent ingredient for first cleansers as it really breaks down the crap on your face without stripping!
While your face is lubricated with oil, I suggest doing a self facial massage as I’ve read that that’s what they do for you during the $650 version of this facial. It’s a lovely treat for both your skin and your circulation/lymphatic system. Next I’ll follow up with Innisfree Blueberry Rebalancing 5.5 Cleanser, as it’s a damn good cleanser that does all the right things at the right pH and great for your wallet.
Once the skin is nice and clean, I’ll follow up with my favorite toner, SanDaWha Liposome Skin Softener. Depending on how my skin is doing that day, I’ll do two to three light layers applied with a high quality cotton pad, just like an esthetician giving a professional facial would.
Now here comes the real sauce and what really makes this DIY profesh AF. We’re going to do the same microneedling technique they use in-house for the official penis facial, but instead we’re going to use the Swanicoco Coco Roller. I must say, I’m quite needle-phobic, but I’m also willing to do whatever it takes to get the best results, and microneedling is where it’s at. The theory behind needle rolling is that the microscopic pin pricks will kick your skin into beast mode, promoting healing and collagen production while allowing your specialized treatments to really get into the skin and do their thing on a deeper level. Whether that’s true or not, there’s a chorus of voices online from women who love the results they’ve gotten from these little torture devices. I hear it’s quite painless overall but that you can always slap a little lidocaine lotion on first to numb the area. I won’t be doing that because I don’t want anything to interfere with my precious serum, the pièce de résistance: the Swanicoco EGF 10ppm Pure Ampoule. If you listen closely you can hear trumpets playing from heaven whenever you say its name.
What makes a penis facial well, a penis facial is EGF, and it’s available right here at Beautytap. In fact, the Swanicoco EGF 10ppm Pure Ampoule contains 99% (or 10 parts per million) pure EGF! So we’re talkin’ primo levels of EGF goodness here, folks.
But where does that EGF come from …
Now if you’ve come this far and you’re so completely done with the idea of foreskin cells in your skincare, ethically harvested or not, but you’re still dying to get the benefits, I have some great news for you.
I called upon Beautytap’s Jude Chao to try to find out exactly where Swanicoco’s EGF is sourced from, and we got some rather shocking (or relieving) news, depending on where you stand. It turns out Swanicoco’s EGF is completely peen-free! The EGF is cultivated from colon bacillus from the intestinal tracts of vertebrate animals. Jude emailed me to let me know her source at Swanicoco said, “it’s usually hamster or pig, but that the animal isn’t hurt at all by getting the bacillus.”
The EGF found in this particular serum, rh-oligopeptide-1, is “a recombinant human epidermal growth factor consisting of a single chain protein with a maximum of 53 amino acids.” I mean, sign me up regardless — I am still on board this increasingly less crazy train.
There is some debate out there about the true efficacy of EGF, some arguing that once the cell is dead it can no longer promote growth and healing, but others sing its praises and talk about the tangible results they see in their skin, the famous penis facial enthusiasts included. Even if it turns out stem cell EGF doesn’t quite provide everything its proponents swear by, Swanicoco’s EGF serum is still a wonderful product made up of tocopheral (vitamin E), an excellent antioxidant, and allantoin, a great anti-inflammatory. You’re definitely not doing anything harmful to your skin by using it; in fact you’re at the very least treating it to a lovely antioxidant boost. Couple that with the great care of a double cleanse, massage, and dermaroller microneedling session and I’m willing to bet we’re all going to walk away from this Penisperience (trademark) glowing like we just got done with the other kind of D session. The best part is, we saved at least $400, the price of a NYC plane ticket, and we did it 100% sans penis! Which is the last time I’m ever going to get excited doing something sans penis.
Would you ever try a penis facial? What about microneedling? Do you think the results would be worth it?